Move on.

The moment "Angel" and "Devil" 

floating side by side next to your ear

One telling you to hold on

One telling you to let go

And you are not sure which side is "Angel" or "Devil"

I am glad. I am relieved. I am determined now.

She is right and I agree. 

What past means past, don't waste time anymore.

The moment I came back and realize,

I still got Families and Friends.

And she eventually will become one of my friends.

They are all my Angels.

The "Devil", does not exist anymore, 

The "Devil", is self created, when there are hesitation thoughts.

The "Devil", is myself. 

My Angels have cleared out the hesitation for me.

I feel relieved.

Feeling positive, feeling thankful.

Final Paper - Passed! 18/1/2016

Finally, I have completed all the ACCA exam.

I was scrolling bit by bit at my email.

My tears just force itself out without me knowing

It was an emotional day for me today.

The first thing I did was screenshot my result 

and share it at Family Viber group

The next thing I did, I share it with her.

I have lessen my burden now.

I do not need to spend my leaves for study or exam anymore

I can now spend my leaves for travelling, family, buddies

I hope I will get to spend my leaves with the one I love

Thank you, dad

Thank you, mom

Thank you, brothers

Thank you, sister

Thank you, buddies and people around me

you have given me positive support

those numerous good luck wishes

I couldn't even remember

whether this is my fourth or fifth attempt for P7.

My dad and mom never pressure me, 

My dad and mom never feel dissapoint of me.

My brother and sister always support for me

My friends and people around never look down on me

I finally made it. With tear of Joy.

Update: Thal Study

It was my mistake, but I couldn't help it. I was under pressure, my parents was traumatized in the past experience. I have done a further research and get some consultations from relevant experts.

I have send numerous emails. Although only a few reply. At least I do have some useful replies with information that are align with each other, haematologist from Hospital Ampang, Dr Alan from Lifestyle Clinic, previous head of haematologist department in SMC, forum thread found online. Which overall made them very convincing to me.

Last Friday, I received an reply email from Haematologist in Hospital Ampang.
It gave me hope that, the chances of us having the thal major kids can be totally eliminated, but with condition.

During my consultation visit with Dr Alan, what I learn is that it is not just the matter between Thal and Thal. Thal Alpha and Thal Beta have no risk of Thal major at all! Thal Alpha and Thal Beta are two different types of blood disorder. Even if kids with both trait will not make the kid suffer.

My sister help to find out from the previous HOD in SMC, although there is one very minimal chance that Thal Beta can be a silent Alpha carrier, which is extremely rare, anyway it can be tested via genetic testing. Even Thal Alpha and Thal Alpha can sometimes work out well not having risk of Thal Major, depending on their location of gene deletion.

I have not share these with her. I shouldn't. Not before I have explain thoroughly with my parents. I am feeling very anxious about it, feeling impatiently. I do not know how she feel, and how she think about me right now. And I do not know if she willing to take the test for me.

I was stuck at work for this weekend. I can only go back and settle the discussion in the coming weekend. This is not something that I can settle over the phone.

I really care about this relationship. I regretted for being rash, being impulsive at making decisions when I decided to end the relationship. Because I have never had conversation with my parents that made all of us cry about it, my parents really care about my relationship too. They feel really reluctant about it too, but our knowledge about it was not deep and thorough enough, now it makes the decision I made appear to be so hasty.

I got to wait until Saturday before I can discuss it with my parents. This feeling of waiting is killing me. Time passed so slow. I worry, I will be ignored, I want to settle this quick. That feeling when you are being ignored, is hurtful. I can't wait to share it with her.

I been lying to myself asking myself to let go. I will be lying if I say I do not hope for anything after all the efforts and sleepless night I had. I still hope that we still have change to get back together.

Letting go

It's part and parcel of our life.

We face the problems.

We overcome the challenge.

We accept the things that can't be changed.

We stay calm and think.

We rationalized.

We learn we improve we grow.

Our life still goes on.

The Consultation

I have went to consult the doctor at BP lab today.
Of those general information that given by the doctor,
more or less I have already know them.

I asked her question, what happen if alpha minor mix beta minor?
Apparently she wasn't the right person to asked.
She suggested to see Haematologist instead.
Or even pre-maritial counselling.
Or genetic studies will be pricey, but this can be really pricey.

My brother had shared with me some comments in a Forum,
the comments state that alpha minor and beta minor
can have their own kids without problem

When I reach home, I received a call from the doctor.
She did some research online, and found the similar information too
She offered help for me to refer my concern to specialist

At this point of time, I keep telling myself not to put in too much hope.
I gotta keep remind myself, I am keeping a learning mindset
in understanding about the genetic study.
No matter how is the outcome, I will not be caught in disappointment.
Just pure learning desire.

Because after all of the comments and information that we have gather so far
we have not see doctor encourage both couples with minor trait to have kids
regardless of whether alpha or beta trait
so, the reliability of the comments brother, the BP doctor and I have read,
is at doubt.

This is just my pure learning desire, just that it caught my interest to explore.
Something for me to learn. Somehow remind me of the biology class last time,
the study about offsprings, chromosome XY + XX bla bla bla...

I will not involve her in the learning process at the moment.
Maybe someday later, when chilling period had taken its effect
Then I can share with her these knowledge. =)