宪のDREAMLAND 【13】

I dream of her again. I saw her in the same workplace with me. I saw her drawing using PC. She was still very good in that. I approach her, but the way I started the conversation... (dude, it shouldn't be that way) ! I am glad that she is not resisting me. I only got courage to hug her in the dream.



I realize that recently, she had back to Msia. But I had really no idea on how to bring myself to her. I can feel like I am being avoided/hated/ignored. Alarm woke me up before I could find this out in the dream.



A friend of mine asked me,

"what is the saddest thing that could possibly happen after you confess to a girl?"
"it's when the girl turn around and tell you, don't come for me, go find a better girl "


I told him,
"that's is a bad situation, but..."

"if I really love her...perhaps that couldn't be the worst situation yet..."

"the worst situation is that the girl is resisting from you, ignoring you, and you are not able to get any updates from her at all"

"If she don't accept me, that's fine, but I beg please don't left me out"


I have not even got the chance to confess. But I blame myself for my stupidness. Because I am stupid, I had missed out the opportunities.

Bokkeh Arts

Stress.

A friend of mine asked me about stress before. I tell him, I don't really have stress in my life, so I am not really sure about how stress feel like. Today, I had felt the stress and pressure for myself. It was shocking, scary and worrying... It make me lost my appetite to eat dinner...

I don't blame anyone but I just feel ashamed that I am so weak. My supervisor is going to out of town for a week. Have I not make myself ready for this? The moment she passed on her things to me, the moment I were have to takeover some of the responsibilities. So sudden that I feel I have a lot of burdens, I have lots and lots... tonned of work I need to do... I am so worried that I couldn't handle all of those things... I wished badly I can stayed there till late to do whatever I can to catch up the work but I gotta go for class... wanted to cry it out but I manage to hold it to myself. Lost my appetite to eat, lost my mood to go class, spammed quite some emo post in facebook in less than 5 minutes, I went to class for less than 1 hour and I left to go home. Sorry for giving a bad impression to Mr Goh, my lecturer.

I am feeling much calm after I reach home. Now that I realize my responsibilities wasn't even that heavy compare to my manager. Somehow, I feel I should take this good opportunity to train myself, also to proof myself to my upperhand that I can still handle the stress. I need courage, I need motivation, I need to be stronger, I need to grow up!

Felt much better after I had a small talk with room mate, appreciate it very much, thanks!

That 'dark' moment I had just now, so many thoughts had passed through my mind. Perhaps I was just tired. I am now back home at 8.46pm. I am gonna sleep early and take a good rest tonight. Don't want to let my manager down. Tomorrow gonna fight, fight, FIGHT!!!

Wish me luck! I can do this!